Balancing my Yearning for Casual Encounters While Pursuing a Meaningful Relationship
Being a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent numerous, largely enjoyable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I had a serious relationship which continued for four years, but it never fully satisfied me, in that I didn't experience love or sexually nourished. Truthfully, I have always craved casual sex. Whenever I begin to date any man, when the initial excitement fades, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners once more.
Reflecting on the Possibility of Monogamy
Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that numerous gay men have open relationships, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed like hard work, frequently causing lots of heartache and envy among all parties. To a large extent, I want a partner to love me while letting me remain sexually free, but I dread to imagine the psychological toll this might create. Should I just continue to have casual sex and acknowledge that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I feel a bit lost.
Every person’s sexual journey varies. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to handle various forms of intimate connections in a finite way. What you need in your current state could easily shift down the road; at a certain time you may find yourself less ambivalent and discover some clarity and a suitable route … or perhaps not. One day you might meet a person who provides a transformative opportunity for you by reflecting your desires completely … and at another point you may choose that non-committal encounters suit you best. Fretting over the future and playing endless speculation is merely rooted in fear and squandering of your efforts. Try to be present with your partners, and recognize the worth of each person with whom you might have a sexual connection. If and when the time is right to strengthen true intimacy with one partner, it will be clear.
- The psychotherapist practices as a US-based therapy professional who specialises in treating intimacy issues.