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The current year represents a full decade since the word “disappearing” hit the mainstream. At the time, the notion that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the peak of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes fruitless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media lingo.

Zoomers, a generation who matured during a loneliness crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y forerunners could ever envision. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a extensive glossary to the phrases this generation is using to discuss romance, sex and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A social media test inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reaction is interested or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This signifies seeking out someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A date where two people connect while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do budget-friendly romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes partners who choose against parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of acting aloof: utilizing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Flags

• Danger signals – Personal quirks signaling a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners unstable, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits affirm your choice to pursue a partner. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely harmless quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing builds closeness faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band many young men likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The rare partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and usually everyday turnoffs that instantly shut down any feelings of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet gesture.

J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {