Those Phrases given by My Father Which Helped Me when I became a First-Time Dad

"I think I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality rapidly became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her main carer in addition to caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct words "You're not in a good place. You require support. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now more comfortable discussing the strain on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his challenges are part of a broader reluctance to open up between men, who still internalise harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a sign of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the space to ask for a break - spending a short trip abroad, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have consistent male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "poor decisions" when younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, tell a family member, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the best way you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their issues, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I believe my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."